.butterflies.

::rough.draft::

beating against stomach lining
turning over and over
rise
the giddy rise
suddenly core might burst
because too much joy

their wings inside
addicted
never enough
always need more
selfish, crazed
obsessive

obsessed
owned by someone else
taboo
wait for me
run away from me
don't come too close

i forgot
forgotten feeling
elation
now devastation
should be alone
still together

butterflies began to fade
could not let them leave
grab them from the air
swallow them whole
drown
a monster with guts dribbled on face

all i wanted was to fly
free like icarus
but instead, the sun
falling
crash to earth, crumple
over, mangled

.numb.

loneliness is despair, and despair is crushing.

the core of my being is slowly being numb and hollow. am i even here.

i am so alone. so very lonely.

moments of joy are few and fleeting and so far in between.

i feel too much. i feel nothing.

i want to reach out and touch, but my arms stay at my side. i am immobilized by everything.

the numbness thickens, reaching its dense finger through the pit of my stomach. i want for anything but to be left alone right now.

left alone, i am.

i want to cry, but the tears won't come. i feel stoic, stone-like, so very cold.

can someone reach me. please help.

send help.

my voice isn't working. no one can hear my words. i don't even know what to say anymore.

help.